Hannah Phillips Garden Design

It took me over 40 years to get here. Here being, doing something I love.

Why? Because growing up I had no idea what I wanted to do. 

I wanted nothing more than a career I was passionate about and could work hard at but, inspiration evaded me.

In retrospect, it was all there: An interest in design (albeit, initially, interiors) a love of plants and growing things and a desire to be creative. But, for a long time, it didn't click.

Following my economics degree into a job in the City was the path of least resistance. I always knew it would be for a finite period of time and I worked hard to combat the constant imposter syndrome and fear I'd be caught out.

I did OK. Had some fun experiences along the way (I'll admit I do miss the track days I used to get to go on) and made some good friends. But, it was exhausting trying to be something I wasn't.

I left when I was pregnant with my son, the main driver being an opportunity to move to the countryside.

Rural Northants also brought the opportunity to renovate and build a home for our family, take a couple of acres of mud, nettles and docks to task and for me to work out what my next career move would be.

Even broken down to its component parts my previous role didn't really translate outside of London and the thought of sitting in some grey, provincial office left me cold.  Although, while I kicked the tyres on the office job thing I got told by the (female) HR director of a challenger bank with offices in the area that, as a women returner I wouldn't have the drive and ambition they were after... 

(I should have named and shamed you at the time for that, Aldermore!)

I took a Level 5 CIPD qualification to formalise my management experience but, it was an expensive way to find out I really​ didn't want to work in HR and I still didn't know what I wanted to do.

All major decisions went on hold when my Mum was diagnosed with Primary Peritoneal Cancer (originally a missed diagnosis of ovarian cancer that had spread).

The debulking op was botched and left her with an unrepairable, perforated bowel. Over the 15 months she was critically ill, I divided my time between Surrey and Northants trying to keep the wheels on the bus for my Dad who spent every day in the hospital with her, and my young family. For that time nothing else really existed.

When she died I felt like I had no idea where I fitted into my life. My in-laws and husband had been amazing - stepping in to allow me to be in Surrey on a weekly basis and, while the lack of drama was a welcome relief, aside from being more present, my lack of direction once again came to the fore.

In an attempt to reboot myself, I decided to enroll on a course to get some headspace and focus on something that was just for me. The course I chose was a Level 2 RHS course at Brooksby Melton. 

In the months that followed my Mum's death, I had been spending more and more time in my garden and feeling the benefit. During that time I also volunteered on a horticultural therapy course at a local community garden (which I wrote about a few posts ago).

During the design element of the RHS course, something clicked.

The rest, as they say, is history.

I'd like to think my Mum would approve of my career choice although I suspect she would also have a lot of opinions about what I do! She loved gardening and had an eye for plant compositions and could beat most of the experts to the answer on Gardeners Question Time.
When we moved out of London she handed me a folder of magazine clippings she'd collected for ideas for our garden-in-waiting and inspiration that I still have today, many of which have been realised.

I've now been designing gardens for about 1/3 of the time I worked in the City.

I'm never going to pretend I know everything - I spend time every day working on getting better at what I do. 

But, while I may still get the odd twinge of imposter syndrome (who doesn't?) I can honestly say, I'm not an imposter.

This is me and this is where I'm meant to be.